I was reading and found these words by Maya Angelou on what it took to being a writer: “Something to say, the ability to express it, and finally, the courage to express it all.” And by Sue Monk Kidd on becoming an empowered woman: “A soul of one’s own, the ability or means to voice it, and finally, the courage to voice it all.”

I began to tingle and tear up. I realized that newfilipina.com has become for me an experience whereby I must be able to voice what I am exploring, what I have discovered, and most especially, find the courage to voice it all.

i know that 10 years ago, i was afraid of going out on a limb with publishing a site for filipinas and by filipinas because there were too many sites about filipinas for men. i was afraid of being criticized and attacked. and it happened. I was criticized and attacked. but only by a handful of people. some people did not like me mentioning the mail-order-bride industry and became defensive and mean. one filipino did not like that we linked our site to a wedding site that had a link to a mail-order bride site. I said i kept it there to raise awareness. He said he was boycotting the site and asking all his female relatives to boycott us too. one filipino did not like women talking about equality, so he insulted other women in the discussion board with sexual innuendo and come-on lines. another man, quoted phrases from the bible saying inequality was the woman’s heritage, as per God. I couldn’t help but feel that it wasn’t God talking but rather men who edited the Bible that were talking.

a lot of people don’t like it that you question. they become aggressive or defensive if you venture to speak out. has anyone ever heard of “let’s agree to be disagreeable”. Does anyone know how? i think one needs to deprogram a few misconceptions in order to do that.

i know that there will be people who will become angry when you express your opinion, who will attack you, however they can, because your beliefs, culture, geographical location, accent, grammar, dress and/or lifestyle is different from theirs. i have come to realize that “difference,” to many people, means outright competition, the invisible award of which is unexpressed and inexplicable.

i have come to realize that in this unspoken competition there is the necessity to attack, put down, gossip, slander, tear apart… that for some reason, “being different” is a justifiable cause to be violent against another. i have learned that violence can be in the form of not just physical action, but also thoughts and words.

i have learned that hatred and violence are very much related. that hatred comes from fear and ignorance… that fear is the true opposite of love. that fear in people makes them believe they are separated from others. i have learned that separation is the “Illusion” that ancient philosphers spoke of.

i have learned that i used to believe the same things as these people. i have struggled to unsubscribe from my limiting beliefs. i have learned that when we are asleep, unconscious and ignorant, we believe in hierarchy, privilege, superiority/inferiority(based on color, education, race, religion, gender, money) and the justification for attacking, conquering, exploiting, controlling others beneath us in this invisible, unspoken hierarchy… we believe that God is outside of us, separated, and that His love is unlimited and portioned out in degrees proportional to one’s standing in this elaborate, invisible hierarchy. we believe that God’s other children, other than “us” are our potential competition, our possible enemies.

i have learned something outside of this belief system. most simply put, i believe in Sacred Interconnection.

i no longer believe in hierarchies. i no longer believe in only masculine principles of power “control, domination, conquering, reasoning”, but now I also believe in feminine principles of power “compassion, wisdom, cooperation, intuition.”

i could be labeled dissident and “dangerous”. but dangerous to who? dangerous to what? I only seek the truth beyond the lies of those who want to stay in control.

in the first few weeks of newfilipina.com, in 1999, newfilipina was “attacked” by a filipina and her foreign spouse in the discussion boards. during that same week, newfilipina.com was spam bombed. it took me weeks to clean out the spam and do the deep soul searching to be able to defend my belief (to them but most especially to myself) that newfilipina.com was trying to do justice to filipina identity online. the ensuing support, compassion, cooperation and love that went into the site from hundreds of other visitors, members and contributors helped me realize that yes, I was doing something right. i want to thank all of you who were part of newfilipina.com in the past. you helped make it what it was to me and others.

i have learned that I must speak up. i must voice all that i have learned. but, oh, it is so hard.

do you ask the hard questions? do you travel the hard road to seek the answers? do you face those hard answers when you find them? if you are like me, please let me know.

“Cautious, careful people, always casting about
to preserve their reputation and social standing,
never can bring about a reform. Those who are really
in earnest must be willing to be anything or nothing in
the world’s estimation, and publicly and privately, in
season and out, avow their sympathy with despised and
persecuted ideas and their advocates, and bear
the consequences.”

—- Susan B. Anthony